LOCKDOWN LEGEND

Khaled Wakkaa  

We were enjoying a beautiful and busy life before the Coronavirus (Covid 19) appeared in the world. I was an active member in the community in many fields, most of which focused on volunteer work and assistance. I used to help in many activities and build wonderful friendship with members of the community, leading exercise sessions, providing free food and drink to passers-by in the street and leading a cycling group. I used to spend much of my time volunteering in either the Exeter Islamic Mosque or the Baptist church in South Street. I was also organizing an international celebration, aiming to bring people together and share heritage and culture, live songs, in addition, traditional foods with the help of the communities in Exeter.

On the eighth of March, my wife contracted smallpox and began to show symptoms, a high temperature and a fever coinciding with spring and an allergy to pollen in the flowers.  We had to stay at home because of these symptoms, then after recovering from all these health problems the government imposed the first lockdown on all areas of the UK.

 

Lockdown

When the first lockdown came in March 2020 , it seemed to me like our asylum period in Lebanon that I touched on in the book Human Crossings, when my family and I kept staying at home due to the worsening of the immune system. In the first week of lockdown, I remained confused, absent-mindedly wondering if I would go back to my former life. Would this end soon? What should I do? How could we survive without talking, meeting friends, doing work?

It was very boring, our children started to feel this. My wife Dalal suggested creating things we love, that we did not have enough time to do before, and we started making plans to have a fun and entertaining time.  We transformed the living room into a place very much like a nursery.  We also created a children's library.  We installed some musical instruments (piano, keyboard, and guitar).  We held contests and educational challenges such as correcting the Arabic letters in order to encourage our girls to learn Arabic.  We devoted a children's room to follow our studies online with our teachers, our lessons were at different times.  While Dalal was in the lesson, I was with the children and vice versa.

Although we do fun things for children, our 6-year-old daughter, Lemar, started to feel bored. We used to organize video calls with her friends at school in agreement with the parents. We used to have some of her friends and their parents come down to our apartment to meet and talk to her.  We would feel happy as soon as we saw them happy and talk even for a short time.

One of my Facebook friends recommended me to join the challenge for mental health, which is to do 25 pushups for 25 days. I won the challenge and nominated a lot of friends who responded amazingly to accept the challenge as well. This made me feel more positive and keep moving forward.

The sleep routine changed, as we used to stay awake at night for long hours, and in the morning we woke up with the children. Sometimes Dalal woke up before me and sometimes me before her.  We were hoping to hear good news saying that death had stopped and the viruses had disappeared.  But the feeling of boredom and fear haunted us.  We used to say that we had fled the war in Syria, hunger and persecution in Lebanon to safety, but now we are under war, but of another and terrifying kind.  I started to fear if the virus struck me, what would happen to my family who would take care of them?  Bad and frightening thoughts that came to my mind, I discussed with Dalal about this, and it was her psychological state that was much worse than mine.  She had nightmares every night in her sleep. She became more afraid of death.  She has an unbelievable obsession with cleaning and sterilizing the house and sterilizing children.  I used to go shopping every two weeks, and she was waiting for me by the door with all kinds of sterilizers, and then started spraying large quantities of sterilizers on my clothes and the things that I had brought from the supermarket.  A face mask and gloves are essential.  Because of the face mask I used to smile at people. While I wore a mask no one knew me anymore whereas before I was well known.  I bought a mask with a smile on it to give a good feeling to people when I meet them in the supermarket.

Every Thursday at 8pm UK time, we and our daughters stood on the balcony, applauding and supporting the key workers. We met the neighbours applauding warmly with others on the balconies. One day I was exhausted and we did not go out to clap, and the next day I went out with the children to get a little sunshine, and I saw a neighbour standing on a balcony and asked me: “Where you were yesterday evening?  I was worried about you. Are you okay?”  That question had given me a feeling of safety a little. I told him I could not go out because I was fasting all day and felt tired, it coincided with our breakfast time because we used to fast Ramadan on those days.

 

Ramadan is the month of fasting in the Islamic religion. It is at a different time each year, the rituals and things that we used to do to celebrate the coming of Ramadan differed. The fasting was good and we did not feel hungry and thirsty, but we felt sad that all the rituals changed until the feast came to an end at the end of the month.  We were not able to resume Eid prayers in the mosque like every Eid that had gone before. It was so sad that we did not see friends on the morning of Eid and celebrate Eid rituals.

 

Fire

One day I heard the fire alarm at around 5:30 in the morning, it was still dark.  I woke up confused and terrified, to the smell of smoke. Oh my God, my children are sleeping. Dalal also woke up confused. I inspected my house, nothing was burning, I opened the door of the house and saw smoke coming out of the house of the apartment opposite ours. What should I do? I asked myself.  I knocked on the door, no one answered, I knocked on the neighbors' doors to get out of the building, I took all the residents out of the building with my family.  I did not lose hope again, I knocked on the door of the apartment through which smoke was coming out, and called the fire service at the same time.  Fire brigades arrived at full speed.  When the man who lives inside opens the door to them and the smoke from Hula, he was afraid to open the door, I do not know why, but the fire was extinguished before it spread in the building.  He was studying at the University of Exeter and then moved after the fire and I no longer see him.  It was a terrifying, disturbing morning.  After that morning I learned a lesson that I should check in on my neighbours and see if they might need help and I now do it frequently.

 

 

Who was helping Refugees? 

When we arrived in the UK we made contact again with the lady called Prudence and we became a family. Before Coronavirus, Prudence would come to see us regularly from Bath. When my wife was pregnant with our second daughter we asked Prudence to come to Exeter and support us which she did. We gave our baby her name, Mila Prudence - this made her very happy because she has no children of her own. I told her; “you are now real grandma".

Our meeting and celebrations for her birthday and little Prudence's birthday was via Skype, only two weeks apart between their birthdays.  We used to have a different birthday before lockdown, but with the means of communication we did not stop celebrating but in different ways.  She used to join us in lighting candles and singing, always telling us that she spoke with our friends and described us as her family. She feels beautiful when we meet, even if through a small screen.  One day we told her to come and live with us in our house and we would take good care of her, but she preferred to live in her house because it is her family's house, the house in which she lived since her childhood.  I understand very well that it is an unimaginable difficult feeling when a person leaves the house in which they lived and left all childhood memories.  I tried that, but it was not just a feeling. We left home because of the war in Syria and left many of our loved ones, families and friends, with our hearts broken and full of sadness.  I wish my mother, my father, my brothers and my sisters were near me in safety.  I don't want to talk much about Syria because I have written another story in our book, Human Crossings. 

Unfortunately, there was a negative experience. We had a bad situation at the start of the first lockdown. We have a very small balcony and one day when the sun was shining, Dalal and I sat and drank coffee just before sunset on our small balcony. Suddenly, a middle-aged man down below the balcony asked me what my name was, so I told him my name is Khaled and he started insulting us saying that he does not like Muslims. He knew that we were Muslims because Dalal was sitting next to me and wearing a hijab. We did nothing but offer him a smile but with fear and caution. We were worried that he would throw the bottle that he was dinking from at us or if he has a weapon that might kill us. It was not a long distance between our balcony and a place of standing, passers-by stopped to ask us if we were well and the man kept insulting us a lot with bad words. Unfortunately this was the same person who was passing us before the lockdown and was eating the food that we gave for free on the street with our other volunteer friends. This is what made me sadder. Since then, we did not use our balcony for the rest of the closure except to meet friends or to applaud the workers of the National Health Organization and it was only for 10 to 15 minutes. We only used the living room.  We don't have a garden house. Dalal feels like she is in prison, but a little different from the one in the police station.  She becomes frightened even after the lockdown had ended, when you could walk through streets empty of people.  She was afraid to put on her hijab and go out into the street.

That man left a great impact on our psyche, depriving us of even sensing our passion on the balcony.  I do not wish that anyone else had such an experience that we had.

Volunteering

I was very active in our local community; I volunteered in several charitable groups and societies and was a key figure at the local level as people from the local community describe me.  I have been and still help people with lockdown mode online, by connecting people in the community with people who can help, and I also talk to isolated people when zooming in.

I also helped some refugee families around Exeter by delivering food and shopping when I go to buy things for my home.  And to talk to them to help them overcome the crisis and mental health, by virtue of which we speak the same language, which is Arabic, as many refugees do not speak English.

This is not all!  Dalal and I are part of the St Thomas Food Fight team, since our first year in the UK. We are a group of volunteer friends who cook and distribute food to vulnerable and homeless people locally.  During lockdown and before, we worked with FREEWHEELIN (part of the local fitness group FREEMOOVEMENT) to deliver food with the bike, and between us we cook every Sunday on a ROTA to feed 150 people each week.  Our team served around 2,500 meals. Dalal helped and is still helping me with making food. People used to say good words when they ate the Syrian food that was part of the other foods.  I can sympathise with hungry because we experienced those feelings when we were living in Lebanon without food for long periods for many reasons, so I always like to give food and share my food with others. 

After Lockdown

There are a lot of things that we will continue to do when life returns to normal. Dalal has a degree in Arabic and she is teaching my daughter Arabic as well as students online.  We will continue to help people - cook more than before and continue studying. I will apply to study social work at the university, and Dalal and I have received a scholarship from RefuAid at Star Exeter School to learn English faster. She also wants to start a masters degree.

In the summer, I returned to my usual activities, after being nominated by members of the community to the Legends team organized by RAMM (Royal Albert Memorial Museum), in Exeter and had already won the title of legend twice.  The first title was with the wonderful team of volunteers who were cooking for the needy and the other title was because I was helping to connect needy people from the community and the other was for things that I was doing on my own and that I mentioned earlier in the middle of this story.  I had the pleasure of attaining this high honour, it gave me a feeling that compensated for the feelings that disappeared in the lockdown period.  What a rank she attained, images of myths still travel between the streets and libraries of Exeter.  On Devon Live, I also had a champion title and another hero from The Great Get Together.  I am grateful that I live in this wonderful and ancient country and in societies that give me the feeling that I am truly at home.

There is a lot of peace and love in our community, everyone worked together to help others - regardless of religion or ethnicity. I have seen so many people helping others without asking. The Exeter Mosque, Exeter City Council and other charities gave me a phone number to pass to anyone who needs help. The Methodist Church also provides food locally with free travel. "

Finally, what positive change do I think we can do as a city to make the future brighter? My message does not get tired over time: simply "peace and love". We must continue what we were doing in the event of lockdown, forgetting politics, race and religion.  We should look after each other, be kind and help wherever we can.

Life is short even if we have lived to more than 100. Leave something beautiful behind, be friendly. Be kind.  Be helpful.  Give and don't wait or be reserved. Smile to everyone you meet on your way. Be positive.  All this will come back to you sooner or later.

‘Who are you, why are you here, from which country do you come, return to your country, I do not want to see you here.’

‘I am from a country where human blood has become cheap.

I am from a country where its heavenly past has become a wreck.’

 

My father, mother, brothers and sisters I miss you a lot. I want to hug you. I never thought that leaving would be so difficult and such a tough life. It would take me away from you.

What are you doing?

How well do you sleep?

What did you cook today?

 

I don't know what is coming but all I know is that it will be much worse than the past for you.

I am a refugee in a beautiful country and I have good people around me, what about you? 

I wish I had not grown up. Life has exhausted me.

I think about you every moment.

I try to show people that I am positive and smiling, but it is quite the opposite to what is inside me.

I have friends and they have become like a family to me, but I still need you. 

I would like to feed you from what I cook, but you are far away. But I feed people, may God send you someone to feed you.

I help people, may God send you someone who will help you. 

Always the sound inside me is very sad, and no one can hear it.

I am really exhausted, exhausted, exhausted. 

My mother, father, brothers and sisters, I hope you are safe and we meet again in this life.