FOR A FUTURE LOVE by David ERDOS - Poem 9 from AT THE GATES

 

FOR A FUTURE LOVE

 

 

How does the heart heal once hurt, or perhaps

Forked by feeling? For even prised from the sleeve

Its trace lingers, as a hopeful hand holds it out

 

For your scrutiny, even if of course, you reject it.

Which you have your right to do as so many

Will want to bouquet theirs to ease doubt.

 

And yet across these difficult days I have felt myself

Fall unthreaded. To be picked up by wind I’m still watching

As I stay inside weighed by dreams. In which you came

 

To feature so fast, so I wanted every word I had to contain you,

And to praise you, too. For your kingdom and a kingdom

Still to come I’d tear seams from that deblooded sleeve

 

To the soul if I thought that you might find it worthy.

I would make myself King of splinters and let the martyrs’ wood

Spike my skin. For I simply imagined, all at once an entirely

 

New life beside you, as the current one we’re all living,

Even if for a limited time feels like sin. We just don’t know

Who’s sin. That’s all. As we all slip unsteady into either

 

Uncertain shadow, or a once familiar light which now glares.

For we do not know what awaits. So, yes, I clung onto you slightly.

Or onto the idea of you, wishing that across a stranger’s divide

 

Hope can share some form of return, or perhaps just the form

Of chance I remember, when clumsy words would recover

A pride sourced stance, or uplift. And where I could once again

 

Stand proud of the fact that I would like to bridge the quiet sea

That is raging, against coast and skyline, and which is threatening now

A long drift, in which we stray further out now than before,

 

Or, in any previous poem. My need to write, speak and reach you

Is what turned you away from my door. Which I want to still open

For you if I thought the invitation might please you. Once in,

 

I would love you. Or to learn how to love you at a time in which love

Feels like fuel. Or something as primal as food and not just commonplace

Expectation, where everyone meets the partner they were destined

 

To meet as fate duels with the slim chances we waste out of need

Or eagerness, sadly. Intent on putting this all behind us, we always

Of course do too much. I feel that now, wanting you, as I bare the bars

Of this prison in which those alone and made lonely

By this hard-caged year, dream of touch. Which naturally,

Brings reform. And that is something you would have granted.

 

I just thought you should know that. With any future uncertain

And the present part broken, I sought the solution of a silence

And peace I’d share with you, even if I have said too much.

 

Some chances seem far, but for a moment with you, I could

Taste it. I imagined a world we’d start making. I may look for it still. 

But remember for as long as I could, you were loved.

 

 

 

David Erdos February 21st 2021

 

For more poems from David Erdos visit The Corona Diaries collection 

David Erdos is an actor, writer, director with over 300 professional credits. He is a published poet, playwright, essayist and illustrator. He has lectured on all disciplines in theatre and film for leading performing arts colleges, schools and universities around the world. His books include EASY VERSES FOR DIFFICULT TIMES, THE SCAR ON THE CLOUD, OIL ON SILVER, NEWS FROM MARS, CHANGING PLACES WITH LIGHT (penniless press) and BYZANTIUM with the photographer Max Reeves. He is a contributing editor for The International Times and maker of documentaries all over the world. David’s work has been acclaimed by many leading figures including Harold Pinter, Heathcote Williams, Alan Moore, Andrew Kotting, Chris Petit and Iain Sinclair in whose recent book THE LAST LONDON, David features. He can be reached at David.erdos@sky.com.

David Erdos

©    David Erdos has asserted his moral rights as author of his work and has full copyright.