BELLA

BELLA

I talked to my daughter today,

Or rather, the closest thing I have to a daughter.

We first met when I taught her at a Kent

Theatre School.  She was by then fifteen

And had such a personality to her, a genuine

Force and spirit that made most people her age

Seem like fools. Bella is now twenty-four,

And well on her way as an actress. Or, was

Before this all started, LAMDA acclaimed,

Agent prized. An array of top end castings

Secured, any one of which would allow her,

To rise at once from the suburbs and seize

Those higher stars that can dazzle, as well

As stain untrained eyes. And yet, for now,

That’s forestalled. But it will come again

And she’ll have it. We always dream when

We’re actors that the glimmer of chance

Captures all, at least at one moment, one time,

When someone secured spots true talent.

At my age I am sanguine and don’t often

Expect it, as work itself makes one worthy,

Even while I would like the call. But for Bella,

That chime is stored in sound and will find her,

For she has fought across a tough landscape

Of familial rift to show care, for the grandmother

She now tends, her Mum and Dad, and her sister,

And her new Niece, who shows her that the life

Which awaits tastes sweet airs. Ones that taint

Different streets, or the sets and stage on which

She might have once been expected. As she had

A strong relationship, ‘a child marriage’

With a suitably devoted boy from her teens.

Her time at Drama School saw them split,

As destiny divides background,

But they remain as entwined, and devoted

As any man and wife of sorts aims to be.

So, Bella has already lived a real life,

Which is for the moment truncated.

Mine, of course, is not over, but when I think

Of her, there’s the line

Between what can be achieved on one side,

And what on the other side, has been settled.

As I carry on with my talents I consider hers,

Graced by pride. I love this young woman in ways

That defy most descriptions. It is not the same

As her parents, nor is it part of one’s usual regard.

Former teacher and friend touch on it, and yet

Those two roles have clear borders. So this unique,

Soul sourced feeling seems to river and course

To life’s shore, on which I stand on one bank,

Waiting for the future currents to crest her,

And for her in turn, to chase waters that will enrich

And revive, cure, restore. Especially now this

Pandemic has come, or been said to rage,

And we’re waiting, to begin again like teenagers

And like the girl I met years ago.

While she waits to work, Bella choreographs

New career moves. She has such drive.

Her sense of self is a poem and a river too,

As thoughts flow. I have loved others before,

But this is different strain of emotion. I want

The best for her, like her parents,

And because of something else in my mind.

For the people we love and the friends we make

Write within us. She is the future while we all sit,

Ungifted; something to prise from torn wrapping,

Delivered, and crumpled at this worrying

Present time. What I feel for her is the hope,

That having no kids myself, parents offer:

The need to forge the next sentence, in order

To in some way pass the pen, that will compose

The new book, despite the dark publishers

That present us, in which Bella’s sweet journey

Will describe and capture new limits to pass

And win over, as she, my near daughter

Learns what it is to transcend.

David Erdos, May 4th 2020

For more poems from David Erdos visit The Corona Diaries collection 

David Erdos is an actor, writer, director with over 300 professional credits. He is a published poet, playwright, essayist and illustrator. He has lectured on all disciplines in theatre and film for leading performing arts colleges, schools and universities around the world. His books include EASY VERSES FOR DIFFICULT TIMES, THE SCAR ON THE CLOUD, OIL ON SILVER, NEWS FROM MARS, CHANGING PLACES WITH LIGHT (penniless press) and BYZANTIUM with the photographer Max Reeves. He is a contributing editor for The International Times and maker of documentaries all over the world. David’s work has been acclaimed by many leading figures including Harold Pinter, Heathcote Williams, Alan Moore, Andrew Kotting, Chris Petit and Iain Sinclair in whose recent book THE LAST LONDON, David features. He can be reached at David.erdos@sky.com.

David Erdos

©    David Erdos has asserted his moral rights as author of his work and has full copyright.