WHAT'S HAPPENING TO ME?

By Diane Hands

29^th March. Woke up feeling a bit peculiar but can't describe why. Stayed in bed dozing for most of the day.

30^th March. Due to go on holiday. Can't go feeling like this. I've suddenly gone from walking at least 2 miles a day to having difficulty walking 20 yards.  What happened?  Have I got this Covid-19 bug which is in the news?

I'm due for my weekly INR blood level check. The nurse I am to see knows me quite well and she  just looks at me and asks what's wrong? I tell her I feel faint, I am sleeping lots and just not feeling right. She responds that she's putting me on the list for the Duty Doctor to call, then she proceeds to check my INR level. 

That was a shock! 8 when it's supposed to be between 2.5 and 3.5. It has never been that high. She says we need to get some vitamin K into you quickly. A doctor I do not know comes in and talks to me, he asks were you able to walk to the surgery today?  No.  

The doctor asks if he can examine me.  He gives me a thorough check over and says he doesn't think I have Covid-19 but I do have something which causes concern and I needed to have Vitamin K to thicken up my blood.   The doctor gives me a syringe of Vitamin K which I have to squirt into my mouth, it tastes revolting, it has to be one of the worst tasting medicines ever.

The doctor stresses that if I have any concerns I am to call the surgery or an ambulance.  If I get out of breath, or I get bruises, or start to bleed I am to call an ambulance. I have to go back again the next day for another INR check in case I need to have more Vitamin K. I come home to bed and sleep.

The next day I go to see my nurse.  My INR is better, but my blood is still too thin.  The nurse makes me another appointment for Friday so I go home where I eat a piece of toast and some soup.  More sleep with intermittent glasses of water.

I've developed a cough which doesn't bring anything up.  On Thursday I receive a call from a nurse at the surgery regarding my Friday appointment. I start coughing and she says sorry, we can't see you with that cough so she makes an appointment for me on Monday and says we'll call you before 11am on Monday to assess you.

My cough is getting worse and I just feel ill.  I go to sleep and wake up coughing. I am so cold I pull my shawl tighter over my head.  I wrap myself up in the two duvets that are covering me.  And make sure the duvet I am laying on is straight.  I am wearing my hospital socks so I should not be cold. I curl up to try to get warm. I do not want to die so I start to pray. Please don't let me die, I have so many things still to do.  

It is as though I see a coffin in the corner of the room.  I can't die yet, I need to make my peace with some people. Please let me live, I will be an ambassador for you if you let me live.

Our bedroom is dark except for a little light coming in from the street light. I wake David and ask him to give me a blessing.  This he does, and tells me to rest and not to worry about material things. I still keep seeing this coffin, but I do start to rest.  But do not actually go to sleep.  

Dawn comes, I am so very grateful to be alive. David holds me which is so comforting.  He says, you spoke about not wanting to die yet. We haven't talked about you dying. I know you want to be buried not cremated but little else.

I tell him that I want to be buried in woodland,  my hospital bag is in the wardrobe. This has been packed and ready since my last hospital visit.  The clothes that I want to be buried in are in that case and my white dress is hanging in the wardrobe.  I have written out a list of the jewellery I would like each of the girls to have.   With just these few things sorted I go back to sleep again.   Before I do David makes sure I drink some water but it is only sips.  That is enough.

Diane’s Biography:

Diane is married with three daughters and four grandchildren. My husband and I live in Aylesbury in the UK. Over the years I have participated in various employment. I qualified as a general nurse. I have been in leadership positions in 'homes' for children and adults with learning difficulties and special needs. I have a charity that I founded called 'I Have A Voice Too' which is for adults with special needs and difficulties over the age of 21. We provide drama group each week where we have a professional director and actor who comes and teaches all aspects of drama. We have participated and produced live plays and films. On the 30th March 2019,  I had the privilege of opening the National Paralympic Heritage Centre with paralympian, John Harris. The 'I Have A Voice Too' drama group produced a short play on 'Dr Guttmann's Journey from Germany to Stoke Mandeville'.
I participated with 8 other authors in writing Human Crossings: 9 stories about refugees. Proceeds are going towards helping refugees.
When the COVID-19 pandemic started, due to my age and medical history, I became one of the vulnerable adults. However, because I was fit and walked 2 miles a day, no blood pressure, no cholestrol problems, BNI ok, I eat and drink healthily, I felt 'I was immune'.



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