Fantabulous Coronavirus Conspiracy Theories

Fantabulous Coronavirus Conspiracy Theories

By Ahmed Shihab

Since the start of the Covid-19 pandemic, new conspiracy theories have been coming out. In fact, do this at home, plot the curve of the number of new conspiracy theories day by day, and you will see very clearly that there is an EXPONENTIAL rise in conspiracy theories about the pandemic. Coincidence?

In this article, I share some of the internet's famous coronavirus-related conspiracy theories and poke fun at them.

 

Covid-19 doesn’t actually exist.

    Covid-19 does not exist. You can tell from the name. It's ludicrous and made-up! If ever you had a fake virus and you needed to invent a name for it, "Covid-19" would be the perfect one.  Who calls a virus that? Here is what happened: one of the top guys at the WHO was under so much pressure from the globalist elite, that secretly runs the world, to come up with a name for this "fake, infectious thing that will cause so much panic and distress," that he blurted out, by mistake, his password. The fellow from the globalist elite bellowed: "Come on!" Next thing you know, the WHO exec spells out his password. Pure reflex. Eight letters long, a capital letter, punctuation and numbers. It was out before he could even think about it. But he doesn't regret the mistake. It wasn't a strong password anyway: it needed changing.

Covid death rates are inflated.

    Of course, they are inflating the numbers! What kind of pandemic would it be if the numbers were small? A pandemic's gotta knock a punch with its numbers. It's got to cause panic. The globalist elite, that secretly runs the world, loves scaring people -- when they're not exploiting their sweat and toil.

   

    Besides, most of the people, who were registered falsely as having died of Covid, would have died anyway, in a matter of a few years -- or at best a couple of decades.

   

    If you've got comorbidities alongside Covid, and you die, we're writing Covid. You have comorbidities! You have multiple medical conditions at the same time; your fault, not ours; it's ripe for the picking. You're dying anyway, and it does the pandemic's image so much good. The bigger the recession, the bigger the bounce-back. We all love bounce-backs. Listen, I am sorry we're piggy-backing on your comorbidities, but don't you want your grandchildren to say: "We lost grandpa to the great 2020 Covid pandemic"? It's a lot more dignified than saying: "He died of something or other in 2027."

Covid was caused by 5G

    Covid-19 happened because of the new-fangled 5G mobile networks. Here's the proof: Can you see a virus with your naked eye? Can you see a mobile signal? Exactly. Who knows what goes on in that invisible world. 5G is the new generation of virus-carrying signals. The globalist elite, that secretly runs the world, needed to install 5G towers so that, at the press of a button, they can cause untold suffering to those who disobey them. The birds that changed their behaviour after new 5G towers were built, sensed the manipulation; they didn't like the evil plot, not one bit.

Bill Gates created Covid because he wants us all vaccinated.

    Bill Gates made so much money at Microsoft but then gave it all away. You expect me to believe that? The guy was the richest man in the world; he was good with numbers; he's not a fool; what was the point of sleepless nights and cut-throat competition? Charity? Don't be ridiculous.

   

    The four-eyed Saint spent half his life slaying dragons and now, in the other half, he is saving the world? Don't be daft. Is this a movie?

   

    So, Saint Bill warned of a new pandemic in 2015, only so he could turn around in 2020 and say: "Told you so!" He seeded the idea; now he is harvesting it. I remember this movie; I have seen it before. It's called Inception.

    The vaccination crusade that Bill Gates is on is actually a secret programme to implant digital microchips. Google, Apple, Facebook, Tiktok, and all the thousands of cookies in your browser are not doing enough tracking. The powers that be know when you last went to the bathroom, what you want for your birthday, and where you do your shopping; but you're not getting any work done. Once the vaccine is in your bloodstream, they will command you to stop spending time on your phone and get some bloody work done!

Ahmed loves to write think pieces. By day, he is a computer science academic with many years’ experience teaching undergraduate and postgraduate students; he also conducts research in the field of Artificial Intelligence. By night, he has a passion for writing and performing comedy. You can email Ahmed on str82ais@gmail.com.

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