WELCOMING THE UNFAMILIAR

 

Doug Dunn

 

Looking back on a year of social isolation and mainly online communication, I did manage to fit in one enjoyable ‘staycation’. My plan was to visit the Yorkshire Dales for a long weekend in September and meet a friend. We were acquaintances similar to work colleges and recently enjoyed seeing and chatting with over Zoom at a book reading workshop.  Prior to Covid-19 I would never have asked to spend a weekend together. But I did and we were looking forward to meeting up. The constraint of social distancing allowed for some freedom and ease around the process of getting to know each other. No kisses, no hugs, no sex, maybe some rock and roll. We could get to know each other without other complications.

 

The day before setting off on my road trip my friend, Carlie told me of new lockdown restrictions about to take place in her area. We were both disappointed about cancelling so I suggested we reverse the plan and spend our weekend in Devon instead. We had no restrictions at the time and a very low infection rate so she agreed to the idea and drive down. She did consider another idea of a trip to Spain as very low cost fares were being advertised. But no, a leisure flight would not be responsible in the middle of a pandemic. 

 

We enjoyed spending the weekend together. Carlie had never been to Devon before so I was keen to show her all the place I liked and was familiar with. But she said also she wanted to visit Cornwall. So on the Sunday we set off on a day trip to Padstow on the north coast of Cornwall. It was fun to set off for the seaside after being restricted to one hour exercise trips for most of the summer. It was a beautiful day and we were visiting one of the most beautiful parts of the country.

 

Our day in Padstow was going well until a moment when things got a bit ‘twitchy’. I think we both wanted to do slightly different things. For me it felt unfamiliar being with someone else for so long, this being the third day of our staycation. Perhaps I had forgotten what it takes. I was having thoughts about whether I really wanted to be in a relationship. So we decided to take a coffee break apart and just be on our own for a bit.

 

During that hour, while taking in the view the Camel Estuary and enjoying coffee from my flask, I reflected on why I was feeling upset. Two single people spending a weekend in the sun. What’s not to like about that? What I saw was that I hadn’t created any context for being together. What were we up to? I kept looking and then created the possibility of friendship. We were together to build a loving friendship.

 

From that moment my upset seemed to fade away and I wanted to find Carlie. There were hundreds of people but I guessed where she may be sitting with her coffee and eventually I found her in the sunshine away from the crowds.

 

We talked about friendship and it cleared the air. I was no longer thinking about what I wanted to do but asking what Carlie wanted. We decided to drive across to the other side of the estuary and find a nice beach. We had a nice time and in the evening I suggested we stop off at Exeter for dinner on the way home. It felt unfamiliar but was fun to do something I’d not done before.

 

When were got home I suggested we visit Plymouth the next morning as it was a place I knew Carlie wanted to go to. We made a plan to see the Mayflower Museum and then stop at Torquay and Paignton on the way home.

 

I am thankful that I created that possibility of friendship. I stopped thinking about myself and my relationships and started enjoying things that were unfamiliar. The visit to Plymouth encouraged me think about local history and what life was like 400 years ago. I am also thankful for Covid-19 which led me to discovering some local history and to write a blog called ‘A Mayflower Story’ and then to hear the story from the American Indian point of view.